There’s nothing I hate more than when things go wrong. It brings out all the worst parts of me.
I will be rude; I will throw temper tantrums; I will cry; I will obsess over the problem and how to fix it. And finally: I exhaust myself because I can’t solve the problem right here right now.
I’ve learned a few things when it comes to things going wrong, and I’m going to share them.
1. If it’s immediately fixable, do it clear-headed
When we are angry or upset, we are not in our power to communicate in a way that will help to get a problem solved. If this is the type of problem that could (technically) be solved immediately, make sure you attempt to do so from a calm, centered place.
2. Lean into acceptance
I’m saying, ‘lean into,’ because accepting the situation when everything goes wrong is not easy, and it’s also not fair to expect of yourself.
Remember that accepting things doesn’t mean that what happened is fair or right. The purpose of accepting things is to stay in your power and lean into more productive energy.
3. Ask what this situation is here to teach you
I have double feelings about this one. Part of me wants to sigh and say: ugh, not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things are just unfair, annoying, or even destructive.
Asking yourself what a situation is here to teach you works according to the same principle as acceptance. You lean into humility. It’s not about finding a conclusive answer to ‘why is this happening to me?’. It’s about the intention of staying open to the answer and opening up to another perspective.
Encouraging yourself to find a deeper meaning or lesson isn’t about making what happened ‘right.’ It’s about empowering yourself and giving yourself the power of decision.
“This is what happened to me, and now I will use it to teach me faith, compassion, grace, determination, and achieve greatly.“
Examples of understanding the deeper lesson
When I went through a breakup a few years ago, something funny happened. While this guy broke up with me, part of me sighed in relief. Of course, that only lasted for two seconds, then I hit the panic button, and it took me a while to get over. But remembering how I’d felt calm and relieved when he broke up with me made me understand there was something deeper to learn.
Years later, I can confidently say that this helped me never move forward with relationships that don’t feel 100% right to me deep down.
Seeing things ‘going wrong’ as a blessing in disguise doesn’t only help you feel better. It also empowers you to do better.
4. Ask yourself if you’re genuinely losing
Sometimes what we define as “everything is going wrong” is life trying to send us a message. A few years ago, I kept on getting sick at the most inconvenient times. When I was traveling, when I had important meetings, and so on. It kept happening, and it kept on turning worse until I listened. My body was telling me it could not handle my life built on adrenaline any longer.
At times, what we define as everything going wrong is life having our back.
The main thing is to ask yourself, are these things happening for a particular reason, and if so, what is it?
Sometimes when you’re living a self-destructive life, you will get a rude wake-up call that you should stop.
The spectrum of ‘self-destructive’ is large, and sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re harming ourselves.
You could not be taking care of yourself in terms of food. Or maybe you’re big-time suppressing emotions or your true calling in life. It could also be that your life is too fast-paced, or you’re surrounding yourself with people who aren’t a good match for your vibrationally.
Life is always working in favor of our highest fulfillment. Sometimes that means obstacles need to be removed.
5. What you tell yourself matters
When things fall apart, we can be tempted to blame ourselves or get caught in self-doubt.
It’s almost as if hard times bring to the surface everything we are somewhat self-conscious or unsure about. And maybe that’s the point. If we allow it to be, things going wrong can be the very thing that breaks us open in a good way.
In the heat of the moment, when things are falling apart or going wrong in a major way, it can be hard to tell yourself any good stuff. But don’t forget that what you tell yourself matters.
Even if you don’t understand right now why this is happening to you, what you tell yourself has a significant role in how you will evolve out of this to higher places.
6. Remove all distractions
When things go wrong, we’re overstimulated by the situation as it is. In the heat of the moment, you might not be able to make yourself feel better. But what you can do is not make it worse. Know your triggers and avoid all distractions that would delay your healing.
That could be social media, taking phone calls from certain people, replying to texts, watching stressful TV, and so on.
The quickest way to get back on the right path after everything went wrong is not giving in to your usual coping mechanisms.
Want to run out of the door and surround yourself with people when shit hits the fan? Stop yourself from doing so this time.
Responding differently to what’s happening to you will help you see things from a fresh perspective.
7. Get clear on how you will come out of this
You are not required to know how this situation will fix itself, but you should get clear on how you will come out on the other end.
Make a little mantra for yourself, and every time you’re getting caught in a destructive thought loop, go back to that mantra.
A simple mantra to repeat when things have gone wrong:
“I’m coming out of this empowered, refreshed, and at peace.”
You can choose whatever words are soothing for you. Just don’t pick words that are immediately related to the situation.
That way, we stay clear of our control-freak tendencies and give life a chance to show us the direction it wants us to go.
8. Stay open to a higher solution
We only tend to look at problems from the standpoint of our current experiences. That’s understandable, but it’s also completely counterproductive.
When people speak of surrender, what they mean is that you should stay open to a new path that’s entirely untouched by your conditioning and experiences.
“Your best thinking got you here,” even though what happened can seem entirely out of your control.
The problem with looking to our past for solutions is that it’s limited. There is no creative power there.
If you look at your past for solutions, you keep recreating the same destructive experiences in your life.